Update

07.25.05 (10:06 am)   [edit]
Well, goodness. So many replies to all the recent sex notes. Why am I not surprised. You people are so trashy.

...And that's why I love it here.

I have decided that the Blog Reviews will be switched to Mondays and that the next one will be a week from today. I just don't know who it should be. Suggestions are welcome.

I've had a great many ask me about my job(s). Work is going extremely well but, it is wearing me out. Oddly enough, I think that this means that I should start dating again. Mainly because I could really use an all-over body massage right about now. Every muscle I have hurts. Despite all that, all of my employers seem to think very highly of me, which is a nice change of pace from my last job at the University.

On another note, I went to the Nick last night and saw a Metal/Bluegrass group from New York called Uncle Fucker. I believe they're on tour so they may hit your town soon. If so, check 'em out. They're a hoot. Not only that they're fiddle player is quit sexy.

And now a short list of women I find nauseating:

Paris Hilton
Britney Spears
Courtney Love
Anyone who's ever been on a reality show
Anna Nicole Smith
Virtually anyone who's ever been on the cover of Glamour magazine
Avril Lavene
All three of those bitches on Friends
Heather Locklear
Meg Ryan
Sharon Stone
Halle Berry
Julia Roberts

Thursday Blog Review: Rosietulips

07.21.05 (7:33 am)   [edit]
Okay, for those of you, both of you, who look forward to the Thursday Blog Review, I have some slightly inconvenient news. I'm moving it to Monday. Thursdays are just too difficult since I got this new job. Thursdays are now one of my long days and Mondays are my day off. Might as well give myself some needless responsibility.

Regardless, I felt that since I've been such a slacker lately I might as well say good bye to Thursday properly by doing one last review. If this is the last one I figured then it seems I should do something special and take a look at the first person to ever leave me a comment on this thing. Miss. Rosietulips.

Rosie is unique. For a long time I thought that she was a teenager largely because of the way she encodes the names of her friends. Everything is just one letter. She also treats her blog as they were originally intended, like a diary. Don't expect many, if any, major political commentary or poetry or any of that other stuff that has become more and more prevalent. Rosie just vents.

I know I make it sound a little drab but, it's kind of nice after digging through so many other blogs trying to be something "relevant". It's like watching a soap opera after four hours of CNN. It's a nice change of pace and some refreshing entertainment.

However, the main reason I read Rosie, honestly, is because she reads me. She's a good friend to have around because you're guaranteed some decent comments every couple of days. Comments, I might add, that don't critique your feelings or writing but, rather offer a comforting pat on the back. If that doesn't work for you, she has a nice photo of herself in her underwear leaping onto a hotel bed.

As far as the negative side, she's occasionally a little long winded for someone who just writes personal material. Also, she really is like a soap opera in the respect that if you don't keep up with her posts, you may get lost from time to time.

No matter what, I'm proud to call her a friend and encourage everyone to check her out and get to know her a little. Sooner or later, you'll be glad you did.

How about we end with one of the more meaningful quotes from her:

"The eating changes will not be as fun The only thing I hope is that my boobs don't shrink a lot." Rosietulips

Good to have you around Rosie.

Heart Attack of Dixie

07.15.05 (8:44 am)   [edit]
Ugh! I woke up to the odor of my Mexican neighbors cooking something that smelled exactly like chicken fried sewer water. I'm not kidding. The worst part was that this is about the fifteenth time in three weeks that they've done this. They're nice people so I don't want to complain but, my bed room window is right outside their kitchen door and it's getting unbearable. Honestly, I'd rather wake up to someone holding a dirty diaper under my nose.

My roommate's not much better. His cooking actually isn't too bad, it's just weird. He's Taiwanese and grew up in San Francisco so, a lot of what he put's on the stove is pretty unfamiliar to my southern fried senses. I've never been one for boiling anything but pasta. Tom boils EVERYTHING. It wouldn't surprise me one wit to walk into the kitchen to find him boiling his cereal. In addition to that, there's a lot of peculiar vegetables and spices going into the pot. Things I've never even heard of often make their way into his cuisine. It's not all bad but, it's usually odd. Lot's of cabbage, too. Something I've never been fond of, especially boiled.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not what I'd call a picky eater. I'm just not a very good cook and so I tend to depend on other's skills for the more complicated stuff. Also, I miss my mother's and grandmother's cooking. The women in my family can just wave their hands over something and it automatically tastes better. Holidays are always an orgy of southern delicacies. Buttermilk fried chicken, sweet potato casserole, waldorf salad, perfectly seasoned turnip greens, black eyed peas, corn on the cob...it's truly sensational. Lately, I can't stop thinking about my grandmother's fried okra. It put's all the cafeteria varieties to absolute shame. It's impossible to walk away from a Thanksgiving or Christmas gathering without being so bloated you can barely move.

Of course, I've been boycotting those get togethers since my falling out with my step-father. So, for extensive meals I'm left to Tom's handy work. The entire kitchen boiled in cabbage water. That and what ever the hell their whipping up next door have left me yearning for the type of food that is covered in butter, salt, sugar and all the other stuff that isn't good for you.

My mother's coming into town tomorrow and we're supposed to have lunch. I'm thinking of taking her to get some Birmingham Bar-B-Q. Either that or Milo's. Milo's is a local burger franchise that is a staple in my home city. It's basically a sauce distribution system. Fried hamburgers with onions and pickles literally covered in their special sauce, a unique recipe of cheese fries and tea so sweet that it's like syrup. Those three things, chicken fingers and fruit pies are the ONLY things on the menu and they're all they've ever needed. If you're ever in Birmingham, AL. you MUST eat at Milo's before you leave. It's a prerequisite.

Damn, now I'm starving.

Well, I'm no whiz in the kitchen. Guess it's another BLT for me. I just wish my neighbors would stop cooking that possum or whatever it is that smells so rank.

Thursday Blog Review: Nullfactor

07.13.05 (9:05 pm)   [edit]
It's that time of the week. You know what I mean, the Thursday Blog Review!

This one brought to you by Elvis brand hand guns. The portable weapons perfectly designed for taking out the television every time one of those really ignorant, irritating and useless programs comes on; like Darma and Greg, Friends, the OC, Walker: Texas Ranger, and, of course, the 700 Club!

This week we're going to take a look at a blog that spends most of it's time in the top 10 hot blogs, as well as it's author: The Case For Existence by Nullfactor.

Nullfactor is a thirty-one year old musician from Michigan. His site draws tons of attention due to it's long life, interesting observations and prolific creator. Married and a father, his family and work take up a great deal of his posts. It's quite obvious that his feelings for them run deep (with the exception of his apparently trashy in-laws) and it's a nice change from so many of us that spend so much time bitching about those close to us. Another thing I like about his site is that the posts tend to be short and sweet. Again a nice change from the rest of us highly verbose types.

Many of his posts are simply diary entries. Also, communication tends to be a favored topic. While he doesn't have the poetic command of language that some do, he does seem to observe important aspects of the craft. One of his most recent posts took issue with impossible promises made by lovers. I have to admit it was an amusing and accurate critique.

Even in short posts he does tend to ramble about fairly mundane things. He also doesn't take advantage of his ability to post photos on his site as much as others do. His site is very attractive but, more photos would add to it. Another problem he has, that many of are suffering from these days, is tBlog's inability to hold archives. So, if you want to look back at things he's written in the past you're s.o.l.

Over all I'd say that Nullfactor's popularity is not entirely undeserved. He's quite personable and does make quality observations and comments. Some of the more insightful comments I've received on my sight have had his handle on them and it's usually been something fairly relevant.

In short, keep an eye on him.

Good luck on the studio Nullfactor.

Chic List

07.13.05 (12:39 pm)   [edit]
Short list of women that I want to suck on like a popscicle:

Gillian Anderson
Nana Visitor
Annebelle Parillaud
Julia Louis-Dryfuss
Jenean Garafalo
Joan Jett (yeah, I know)
Christina Amphlett
Stephanie Swift
Lauren Holly
Nicole Sullivan
My friend Beth
My friend Nicole
That brunette chic I met at the Plaza Friday
That girl who works at the Library in Louisville
Eka (I don't really know what she looks like but, in her case it doesn't matter)

PENISES!

07.12.05 (1:13 pm)   [edit]
You people are so weird. I made a joke about discussing penis size and now I'm getting comments and tmails asking about it. Well, what can I say? If it's what the people want...

How important is penis size? It's very important...if you have no self respect and no life. Mine is nothing impressive and there are already days that I wish I could leave it in my other pants. All the guys I've met who brag about their "massive" endowment are the type who think that comments like "Baby, as long as I got a face you got a place to sit!" are good ways to break the ice with a lady. They're the same kind of guys who spend outrageous amounts of cash to pimp out their car but, don't pay their child support.

I've never met a woman who cares about it. In fact, I can see how a woman would be frightened by one that was too big. After all, they've got to put the damn things inside them.

I don't know. Maybe it is something important but, it's never mattered to me. I come from a small college town where gossip is considered a sporting event. All the women I got involved with seemed to talk about my hands as apposed to my crotch. Honestly, I've never heard a woman say, "Oh, that guy is great. He's got a 17 inch dick!" I have heard women say, "That guy is terrible. He's just a giant dick!"

My educated guess: It's irrelevant.

Rain Washes Away So Much

07.11.05 (11:27 am)   [edit]
Well, the southeastern portion of the United States didn't blow away, so that's a good thing. They sure tried though. It kept me inside all of yesterday so my potential social life was nixed for this week. In far worse news, we are loosing Billlyryan.

Sucks. The girl finally makes it up to the top ten hot blogs, where she belongs, and she has to split. It's getting to be quite a trend around here. I hate to say it but, it's the right thing for her to do. The sad fact is, while tBlog is ridiculously easy to use, it's also completely unreliable. I've said it before, seems like every time I think of going pro something happens to dissuade me from that idea.

Well, no use moaning about things which will never change. I know, I know, that never stopped me before. Regardless, it all just tells me that I've got to really buckle down about getting to know many of our newer/younger tbloggers, especially if I want to keep doing the reviews on Thursdays. I know there are some out there that are worth keeping up with. I just have to find them. I prefer reviewing the really exceptional ones because I always get nasty tmails when I criticize anybody. Still, if I don't run across some who are more than genuinely poetic soon, it may come to that.

As always, I take suggestions. Just do us both a favor and refer to the criteria for a decent blog on the Feb 24th post before making any.

And with that I bid our dear friend, and the best blogger I've ever met Billlyryan the best in her new endeavors. Things won't be the same without her.

Thursady Blog Review: Eka

07.07.05 (2:41 pm)   [edit]
Forgive me, folks, for not posting sooner today. The truth is I feel like deep fried ass. That siezure I had a couple of days ago really took it out of me. Not to mention I had to work all night last night. Anyway, not feeling very creative or articulate I'm going to do something that usually gets on my nerves: RERUNS.

Today was supposed to be the Thursday Blog Review. Therefore I'm going to repost the very first one I ever did. Forgive me. Of course, this chic need more visitors currently so, maybe it's all for the best.

Januaray 27th, 2005

I'm sure we all know the feeling of trudging through site after site of impotent, inarticulate junk trying to locate something of quality to distract us from our day. Post after post we encounter yet another construction of sentence fragments and teen angst. Around the corner there's more maladroit poetry or another site of inane photos managed by some lonely "Peggy Hill-sh" house wife. Well, my plan is to collect the addresses of good sites to explore, bad sites to avoid and the hysterically embarrassing one's to visit for less than mature ridicule.

It was a bit of a struggle to decide which one to discuss first. I got few suggestions and no one that I wrote requesting permission to review them has responded yet. With this in mind I decided to review my favorite one first, Eka's Soul Diary.

There is already a link to Eka here so I have no fear of "giving away" her location. Also, I have nothing but good things to say so, I doubt she'll come after me later for my critique. ...Unless, she starts having one of her weird emotional fits brought on by the gelatinous aliens which control her mind.

I first discovered Eka, who began here at tBlog but has recently moved to Blog Drive, the way I have discovered many other great bloggers. I was in the process of posting a rather long and laborious play, one scene at a time, when comments started appearing with her handle on them. She was not only patient enough to endure all of my Magna Carta sized posts but, had very complimentary things to say. At first this was just a nice ego stroke from a stranger. Once I began reading her posts, however, I felt a warm sense of honor and awe that someone with such a dazzling command of language, such a keen intellect and such amusing creativity would compliment me. Not only that, she turned out to be rather sweet.

My favorite parts of her blog, other than her wonderful sense of humor, are her phrasings. The metaphors and similes she uses are always so eloquent and her thoughts are expressed so well. She seems to have a gift for stating, in written language, feelings and ideas I've wrestled forever and comparing them to just the right animal force of nature. Something that always leaves me with a satisfied grin and the sense that it could never be said better.

As her accent lightly decorates the edges of her compositions, she addresses such monumental topics as the creativity of art, the questionable laws of politics and society's obsession with alien life. These may be followed by such common ones as relationships, the daily grind or the importance of underwear. Her approach is often cynical and self deprecating without being cold or depressing. Even when she talks about feeling miserable it's not in a way that lacks hope or will drag the reader down with her. Even when she's responding to belligerent, ignorant or unseemly comments or posts of other bloggers she is controlled and articulate.

Speaking of comments, you'll notice on her comments icon it says "mental donations." This is an example of something else I love about her site and that is the way she decorates it, with ideas. Her original site here on tBlog, had pictures of its author but, they weren't very typical. She had bits and pieces of her face, enough to give you a basic idea of what she looks like but, never enough to complete the image. A"you get to see parts of me but, it's still a deconscructed puzzle" approach. In fact, Eka said once that she blogs out of a need for privacy. I took this to mean that her motivations were similar to mine. The need to express one's self with out exposing one's self. These pictures said the same thing to me.

Her links are all very good (I'm on there, naturally) and the overall look of the site is very attractive. As time goes on and she developes the site more I'm sure these things will only get better, as will her writing. To quote the author/blogger herself, "Presently, I have many skeletons in folders waiting to be clothed with flesh and bones."
Normally, when reviewing things in this fashion I like to try and say good AND bad things about them. I think it's important to be honest and constructively critical in these instances. In Eka's case however, I haven't really found anything that hasn't impressed me. If I had to complain about anything it would have to be that she isn't as prolific as some bloggers, posting an average of every two or three days. Also, all the posts that were on her old site have been deleted so, looking back at what she's had to say in the past is impossible. Outside of that, Eka is still my favorite and if you haven't checked her out yet, I strongly recommend doing it today.

"I have a blog! In my blog thoughts were composed in the most delicate manor that showcased my writing ability, my passion for life and plenty of other things that I can't think of at the moment." Eka the Ferret

Health Care? More Like Health Neglect

07.06.05 (6:31 am)   [edit]
Good Morning. How is everyone today?

I had an interesting time yesterday. I was scouring Southside for a job. After applying at a local music store I was walking past a head shop and noticed a "Help Wanted" sign in the window. As I was finishing the application I felt that familiar sensation of panic that announces that I'm about to have a seizure. The next thing I know two cops are putting me into a paddy wagon and taking me home.

They were remarkably nice and it turned out that I went to church with one of them as a kid. A head shop isn't exactly where I wanted to be found but, the gutter would be worse.
Everyone keeps telling me I've got to do something about the situation, like I just hang around going, "Oh, it's just epilepsy. No big deal." Truth is, it's a very big deal, only I have no health insurance and social services doesn't like giving anything away. There are a tremendous amount of hoops to jump through and even the doctors just roll their eyes when I tell them my situation. To top it all off, the only medication I've found that works has been recalled by the federal government.

Health care in this country is ridiculous. Canada is making it illegal for Americans to obtain their drugs through the mail because so many were taking advantage of their low prescription costs. Meanwhile, America has the highest price of drugs in the world. It's not like the majority of these things are really that expensive to produce, it's just a way of turning the weakness of the masses into corporate wealth. And we put up with it.
Why hasn't any American company developed a car that runs on something besides gasoline? Simple. Investors have their money tied up in oil. Prescription drugs are expensive because of supply and demand. The American people need to be supplied with them and the drug companies demand as much cash as possible in return. The American way.

I often wonder what would happen if everyone in the U.S. just refused to spend any money for one day. Just one day we wouldn't go to the grocery store or the movies or to McDonald's or Wal-Mart or to the gas station. What would happen? I'll tell you, corporate America would freak. Billions of dollars would be lost across the board. It might even give us some bargaining power to lower the cost of important things like prescription drugs, health care, communications, oil, you-name-it. Problem is, it'll never happen. The American people have become to selfish and lazy.

This country was born out of solidarity, a solidarity that it will never see again. Politics has eroded the common thread of independence and self reliance that our forefathers shared. The result is a scattered and selfish consciousness that could'nt organize itself long enough to raise a barn, much less restructure health care. This Rome will fall and I'm beginning to think it's going to be sooner than later.
Well, I can still dream. I can chase away the nightmares of my homeland turning into a collection of emasculated ghettos with dreams of the potential I know it still has.
Of course, I'm not going to hold my breath.

I'm headed to the police station to thank that cop who helped me yesterday, after which I'm going to try and talk to social services again. Wish me luck.

Independence Day

07.05.05 (6:13 am)   [edit]
Oh, look. We can get into tBlog today. How nice.
Why is it that every time I start contemplating going pro this thing freezes up or acts possessed? Well, that settles it, I'll just have to keep doing this for free no matter what. Sorry, Rocky.

So, let's talk about what we couldn't yesterday, Independence Day.
Did the event mean anything to anyone out there? How did you spend it? Did you enjoy any appreciation for the United State's Freedom?

Yeah, me neither. I just watched my Mexican neighbors blow a lot of shit up while I got cozy with a bottle of whiskey. I also got ditched.

See, my bassist was having a big, all day cook out and invited me and this girl we work with. I was going to ride with her since I'm not allowed to drive on account of my seizures. I called her around noon to find out what time we were going to leave.
"Oh...uh...yeah," she began. "I have to go by my parents first for a couple of hours. It'll probably be two before I can get you."

I told her that that was perfectly fine. I didn't get much sleep the night before so I was in no rush. I could even take a nap. She said again that she'd see me in a couple of hours. That was the last I heard from her. When I called around five I got a message that she'd turned her phone off. That's about the time I bought the booze.

So, what does all this have to do with July 4th? Nothing really. It does bear on holidays though. Ever since I stopped talking to my family and lost the privilege of driving I haven't really been able to enjoy holidays. I never leave the house.

My friends always have excuses for never coming to see me too. They're too "busy". They're too "tired". They're too "contagious". There's always some lame excuse. Couple that with the fact that Birmingham shuts down on any mere mention of a holiday and you have me home alone.

I know, I whining again. Well, what the hell would you do if your best friend was George Dickle. I'm going back to bed.

Before I do though, I would like to say that it is important to appreciate what you have, especially those close to you. Remember, it doesn't have to be a holiday to spend time with your friends and family and tell them what they mean to you. Stop by tomorrow when we'll be discussing the importance of penis size.

My First Survey

07.01.05 (3:55 pm)   [edit]
Hey, you see these things on various blog sites, these surveys that are meant to passed around and answered. I figured it was time for me to create one. If I'm going to do this, I might as well start with one of my three favorite subjects: sex.
One day when you're at a loss for something to post, just copy this and give it a whirl.

The star means "yes" by the way.

1) I like sex. [*]

2) I have had sex with in the last 24 hours. [ ]

3) I like foreplay. [*]

4) I have slept with a friend that I still hang out with. [*]

5) I have cheated on a lover before. [*]

6) I have been cheated on before. [*]

7) I have walked in on people having sex. [*]

8) I masturbate frequently. [*]

9) I like giving oral sex. [*]

10) I like receiving oral sex. [ ]

11) I prefer being on top. [ ]

12) I have had sex with someone of the same sex. [*]

13) I have slept with a coworker (not necessarily a current one).[ ]

14) I have had sex with someone that I don't get along with. [*]

15) I have had sex with a stranger.[*]

16) I think about sex daily. [*]

17) I think about sex hourly. [ ]

18) I think about sex every minute. [ ]

19) I like picking people up in bars. [ ]

20) I like doing it with the lights on. [ ]

21) Feet turn me on. [ ]

22) I like to play dress up and/or act out fantasies. [*]

23) I like dirty talk. [*]

24) I like it rough! [*]

25) I like to be tied up. [*]

26) I like tying others up. [*]

27) I like anal sex. [*]

28) My lover and I have pet names for each other that are just between us. [ ]

29) I like to cuddle afterwards. [*]

30) I wish I were having sex right now. [ ]

The sexiest thing my lover can wear is: my shirt. Socks are also sexy. I don't know why but, something about them...

The sexiest thing my lover can say is: I'm horny.

My favorite part of sex is: holding on for dear life after it's over.

My least favorite part of sex is: pursuing it.

If I had to describe my views, feelings desire about sex in one word it would be: twisted.